Rabbi's Week in Review
I had the extraordinary experience of moderating a discussion with artist/author/activist Riva Lehrer about her book Golem Girl. The book is an open, honest memoir of Lehrer’s life as a disabled, queer Jew. This program was part of the Acclaimed Author Series*, which we at Kol Ami co-sponsored with the Jewish Experience program of the J and Jewish Federation.
The predominant feedback from those who participated was how much ... Click here to read the rest of Rabbi Doug's blog post.
This Week's Torah Portion
This week’s Torah portion is Parashat Ki Tisa (Shemot/Exodus 30:11-34:35). We read this week about the sin of the golden calf. What is our golden calf in the year 5782/2022? What are the idols we worship, and what is a better source for our fealty and spiritual time?
Worship Event of the Week
This coming Shabbos, Saturday, February 19, we are together for study and informal prayer. We have embarked on an exploration of why we pray the prayers we pray, creating a sense of purpose and intention behind our prayers. Study is at 9:30 a.m., and service is at 10:30 a.m.
This will be a hybrid event. Those who have received vaccines, including boosters, and are comfortable meeting in person can gather at the home of Fay and Rabbi Doug. You must RSVP to attend in person to rabbidoug@kolamikc.org no later than noon Friday, February 18. We are also offering study and worship via Zoom — click here.
Weekly Feature
“So You’re Marrying a Jew …”
Sixth installment in a series
By Ellen Karp and Lisa Greenwald
Editors’ note: We thought it would be instructive and interesting to ask our non-Jewish partnered members for their particular take on joining a Jewish community, and establishing a family connection among Jewish relatives.
Lisa Greenwald
EK: If your best non-Jewish friend or close relative were getting engaged to a Jewish person, what advice would you give them based on your own experience?
LG: I have two perspectives. The first would be if a non-Jewish woman was marrying a Jewish man. I wish I would have examined more closely the way his Jewish life was conducted growing up. If the mom was the main person driving all of the celebrations, coaching the milestones, preparing the appropriate food for daily living and holiday observances, driving kids to and from Sunday School and Hebrew lessons, and basically being the go-to for all things Jewish, then the non-Jewish woman should be prepared to fill that role, too (not that this would always be the case). One should enter into an interfaith marriage with their eyes wide open. For a non-Jewish man marrying a Jewish woman, I would advise him to understand his partner's commitment to her religion. In my experience, the Jewish woman still leads the religious direction, and the man needs to understand how much it means to him to continue to observe his own religion.
It is important for the couple to find a family with whom they can worship. I am part of the most wonderful, welcoming family at Kol Ami. A small congregation was key — I was welcomed for who I am and never got lost in a sea of Jewish members. It has also been important for my kids to feel loved and to see families of all types. I’m also in a havurah of six families. Only one couple contains two Jewish parents. We have a great mix of kids — adopted kids; a set of twins; a child of color; gay, trans and nonbinary kids. The support for all things parenting, as well as Jewish, has been such a blessing.
What were your biggest surprises about Jews and/or Judaism — things you hadn't known, anticipated or expected?
I had a good friend as a child who was Jewish, and I was exposed to holidays, bat mitzvahs, etc., so I entered into an interfaith relationship with some familiarity. When I first became a parent, I also was fortunate to join a group called "non-Jewish moms raising Jewish children." There was such camaraderie. Some of the women converted after a couple of years of parenting. I made lifelong friends there and the ability to ask any question.
Any anecdotal moments as you've experienced Judaism within your family?
I taught a toddler Sunday-school group, which met monthly for a year. I'm not a teacher and I'm not Jewish, but it was fun to pick one thing each month and create something around it, usually involving a craft and a song. The most challenging thing was trying to learn Hebrew during Sunday school.
Probably my biggest takeaway is that when you are dating, engaged and then married (we had a Jewish service), the interfaith structure doesn't seem so insurmountable. However, as time goes on and life adds challenges, children, obligations, etc., defaulting back to all you know can cause some dissension. I started to miss some of my faith's traditions, and my spouse wanted things done the way he knew from growing up. Over time, we have found ways to do the best we can in the moment.
Kol Ami Events
A Belated Sukkah Takedown
Please join us as we take down our beautiful sukkah — 10:30 a.m. Sunday, February 20, at Manheim Gardens (4229 Forest). It should take only about an hour. Hot chocolate and treats provided!
Kol Ami Book Club
Book Club discusses Wounds Into Wisdom: Healing Intergenerational Jewish Trauma, by Rabbi Tirzah Firestone, next Tuesday, February 22, at 6 p.m. via Zoom. Click here.
